totally un-sexy undies

so i was talking to a friend of mine & we were on the subject of lingerie which lead to how crotchless anything is never sexy. i mean at least to me

 it just looks like:

1- your meow meow got hungry & ate away at your panties
or
2- your snatch was leaking acid

which i guess the combo of the two would kinda look like this

so i got to thinking. are there asshole-less panties? if so why have i not heard of them? i mean not that i want them for me. but hell i would totally buy them for this year's family xmas party for the white elephant game! no, i'm not kidding. if someone finds them, i will buy them for the purpose of the family christmas eve party. in most cases, i'd search for them online myself, but really i don't feel like sifting thru pages of porn. 

and btw, i am talking panties, not gay speedos w/just a hole cut out where the asshole is. i am talking lacy, pinky, frilly panties. just with a very unsexy hole cut out or one's anus.